Why I Hate(d) Ryan Holiday

My Confession to a Popular Writer On Stoicism About My Un-Stoic Ways

Dear Ryan,

“I hate that guy.” That’s what I heard running through my head when yet another of my favorite podcasts, perhaps The Tim Ferriss Show, Impact Theory, or James Altucher, to name but a few, featured you as the guest. One would imagine that I would promptly skip to the next podcast on my playlist. Instead, I kept listening.

It is perhaps not that unusual that I kept listening, after all, we all do it. We listen to the those we dislike so that we can find some statement or fragment thereof that proves that they’ve got it all wrong – something that confirms that justifies our skepticism about them. There is much pleasure to be derived from confirming that our biases are anything but, even when they really are.

You’re likely thinking that the moral of the story is that I was wrong about you. In reality, yes and no, I was and I wasn’t…

YES: I kept listening because the subject of your podcasts was invariably Stoic philosophy, and I love Stoic philosophy – I have been since I picked up a curated collection of Seneca’s Letters to Lucilius decades ago. I kept this book on my bedside table for years. Seneca was my gateway to Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and the wisdom of many other great thinkers. So, your work and your interviews were (and still are) worth paying attention to because they brought this wisdom back
into my consciousness and thus fell within my internal sphere of influence. I listened enthusiastically and even subscribed to your newsletter.

So, if it wasn’t the message, was it the messenger? While there are podcasters and podcast guests that I hear and can’t help but think, “I’d hate to have that person over for supper.” Often, they are unbearably self-centered, obnoxious, or simply dull – if all three at once I simply won’t endure it. The thing is, nothing of the sort came to mind when you were the guest, I did not have to listen in spite of you, to the contrary in fact. Therein lies the ‘yes’ in me being wrong about you.

NO: It wasn’t long before it was clear to me that if it’s neither the message nor the messenger, then the problem just might be with the recipient. This was logical conclusion that didn’t sit well with me. The words of Seneca, came to mind: “We must follow the old adage and avoid three things with special care: hatred, jealousy, and scorn.”ⁱ What virtue was I exercising with this attitude? What benefit did I gain from it? It was decidedly un-Stoic.

A poignant phrase that from a more modern thinker, Jordan Peterson, leaped into my consciousness next: “Consult your resentment, for it’s a revelatory emotion, for all its pathology.”ⁱⁱ When I followed this advice I saw that jealousy was admiration in disguise. Seneca outlines how these two sentiments are mirror images, “To know how many are jealous of you, count your admirers.”ⁱⁱⁱ The problem was me. The reasons I had previously evoked to justify my resentment
were pure BS, pure rationalization. It had nothing to do with you, I was wrong about me. I had failed to heed Shakespeare's advice about the green-eyed monster.

Overall, it was not what Ryan was, that bugged me, it was what I wasn’t. Ryan was chasing his dream, had done so from an early age – in his twenties. So did I, many decades earlier, but I accustomed myself to a certain inertia after some wrong turns and spent years feeling trapped in a career that I found unfulfilling. I was only beginning to take things in hand. The problem was not Ryan, it was Ryan’s example.

Yet, so many others set an example too. I had the choice of letting so many other podcast guests get under my skin; why you? To figure that out, I only had to recall that Seneca tells us that things “are difficult because we do not dare.” Marcus Aurelius tells us to ignore what others think and “Run straight towards your goal without looking left or right.” Epictetus reminds us that thinking about a thing is no substitute for action, “If you would be a reader, read; if a writer, write.” I
may have fell under the spell of Stoicism when you were a child, but I had neglected to practice it consistently. You were the problem because you read the Stoics and you actually followed their advice.

What drew me into Stoicism wasn’t it all the talk about virtue. As much as I appreciate and value of that advice, it is with age, it is as a parent, that the character-building aspect of their life philosophy has appealed to me most. The reason that Seneca sat in the place where many place The Bible was because of his Carpe Diem message, his reminder to not waste the days.

Even if I had recently begun pursuing objectives that I had tossed aside for far too long, I regretted the time I let fritter away prior to that. Not only was the time spent putting off living un-Stoic, the mental energy spent on remorse was also far from a Stoic attitude. After all, it is a very practical
philosophy, where negative emotions are not ignored or buried, they are tackled head-on and turned into fuel. Instead, I was “stumbling over something behind me.” The Stoic perspective on this was clear: The time behind me was lost, it was officially dead, no amount of ruminating about it could revive it. What would Seneca advise me? “As long as you live, keep learning how to live.” In other words, look forward instead of back, take your lessons and live better from this point on. I could even imagine him turning his own words on their head, “It is foolish to be unhappy now because you may be unhappy at some future time.” It is also foolish to do the reverse – to be unhappy now because you were at some time past.

So, thanks for your work – the books, interviews, podcasts, etc. They helped my reintegrate my Stoic guides into my reading diet. And the Stoics kept prodding me to not just learn the precepts, but to put them into practice. You helped there too: You dared to be an imposter and write about Stoicism without a Ph.D., without certification, without permission. You obviously said, “to hell with the Resistance.” This is no small thing, as Seneca reminds us, “it is difficult to bring people to
goodness with lessons, but it is easy to do so by example.”

Thus, I can safely say that each time I see your name come up, I now hear a little voice in my head say ‘great, I like that guy!’ And I promise, that if I hate you in the future, I’ll find a damn
good reason.

Sincerely,
K. Wilkins

P.S. The enclosed books, the Stoic Virtues Journal and the Rules for Living Journal are a simple thank you. I’m making a point of thanking all living people quoted and you are in each.

The origin story: A few years ago, before listening to any podcasts or hearing of you, I did at least muster the courage to begin to write (a novel, still a work in progress). Although I didn’t identify Stoicism as a central theme of my first endeavor, it is certainly informed by a Stoic ethic. As I inserted quotes into my work, I often noticed that the vast majority of occasions offered a choice between one of our Stoic mentors or another ancient or modern thinker. I decided to assemble the related ideas into a journal and cut my teeth in publishing with the Stoic Virtues Journal. As the Stoics suggest, journaling is a great way to bridge the gap between theory and practice. I have certainly found this to be the case. In some sense, this has some similarity to The Daily Stoic. Perhaps a compliment to it for some. I must thank you because it's possible that I would never have thought of publishing this had you not shown that people do care to read about this ancient philosophy. The Rules for Living Journal does the reverse, takes some modern works and identifes similar ideas that preceeded them.

K. Wilkins is the author of:

Stoic Virtues Journal: Your Guide to Becoming the Person You Aspire to Be

Rules for Living Journal: Life Advice Based On the Words and Wisdom of Jordan B. Peterson

i Letter XIV,
ii Jordan Peterson. 12 Rules for Life.
iii Seneca. On A Happy Life

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